Chapter 1
Ryder raised an eyebrow and glanced at me, checking out my n*k*d body before looking at my face. “Tell everyone what? My parents set me up with someone for tomorrow. I need you there to make things less awkward when conversation dies.” His words hit me like a truck. My heart nearly stopped as I tried to understand what he was saying.
“You’re being set up? Then what the hell am I to you?” I could barely get the words.
out.
Ryder was already up, pulling on his expensive jeans commando–style. He looked back at me like I was nothing special. “You? You’re my go–to girl. My dinner buddy, my gaming partner, and…” he smirked, licking his lips, “the best fuck I’ve ever had.” I felt cold all over as my face went pale. My lip started trembling as what he said sank in.
Seeing my face, Ryder’s smile disappeared. He moved closer, using that deep voice he usually saved for when he wanted me n*k*d in his kitchen. “Wait, Autumn. Don’t tell me you thought we were actually a couple this whole time?”
His mocking tone cut deep, leaving me feeling empty inside.
I tried not to cry, my voice shaky despite trying to keep it together. “Of course not. I’m… I’m going to shower now.”
I wobbled to the bathroom on legs that barely worked after last night’s sex marathon. As soon as I shut the door, I slid down to the floor, unable to stand
anymore.
I couldn’t stop hearing what he’d just said as I stared at all the marks he’d left on me – from my neck all the way down to my inner thighs. I started crying as it hit me what was really going on.
We’d known each other for over twenty years, growing up on the same street in Boston. We’d shared everything—from sneaking his dad’s whiskey to reading the same comic books.
Then five years ago, after way too many tequila shots, I ended up with my back against his apartment wall, my legs around his waist, and him in**de me. One hookup turned into two, then three, then so many I lost count…
At night, we had the kind of sex that left the neighbors banging on the walls. During the day, we acted like a real couple: holding hands while walking around the city, making out when the ball dropped in Times Square, spending hours on FaceTime when he was out of town…
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I’d always assumed we were together–just keeping it private. Now Ryder was telling me we weren’t even dating?
100%
I couldn’t breathe through the crushing weight in my chest. I turned the shower on full blast just so he wouldn’t hear me falling apart.
I don’t know how long I stayed there, crying until my eyes burned. Eventually, I pulled myself together enough to come out.
Ryder had already changed and was sitting on the couch, talking on his phone. “Make sure the private dining room is big enough for everyone tomorrow. She likes lighter food, so let’s go with something simple. Black Forest cake for dessert, and pink and white roses for decoration. Send me photos when it’s set up. And have about a dozen black suits ready for me to try when I get back. Elle only likes that color.”
When I heard that name, my heart missed a beat.
I glanced over involuntarily and caught Ryder’s soft smile as he talked.
Elle? So his setup was with Elle Winters?
The light in my eyes dimmed as understanding washed over me.
In high school, Ryder had been obsessed with Elle, mentioning her name dozens of times a day.
Before he could tell her how he felt, she’d moved to Paris for her fashion career. Since then, I’d never heard him mention her again.
After that first night when he’d gripped my hips so hard I had bruises for a week
and said things that made me unable to look him in the eye the next day, we started hanging out more. I really thought he was over Elle.
I was dead wrong. The girl he never talked about but obviously never got over–his perfect dream girl–was back in town.
The pain hit me all over again, even worse this time. My hands were shaking so bad I dropped my phone.
It hit the floor with a loud bang. Ryder glanced over, totally casual. “All done? You’ll check out, right? I already paid for the room.”
He was putting his jacket on, ready to leave. At the door, he turned back with that smug smile on his face.
“Autumn, I’ve always seen you as just one of the guys. Stop looking so crushed–it’s making me think you got the wrong idea about what we’ve been doing.”
“I know exactly how you look when you’re about to come, and you know exactly what
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gets me off. Don’t you think that would get boring if we were together for real? If we actually dated, we’d lose all the fun pretty damn quick.”
His voice faded as he walked away, but his words kept echoing in my mind.
I sat on the same bed where we’d had sex hundreds of times, laughing until tears ran down my face.
So that’s what I’d been to Ryder all these years. Just a convenient fuck buddy.
I stayed in that room alone until late that night before finally checking out.
It was pouring rain outside, but I didn’t even care as I walked home in a daze, getting completely soaked.
When my parents saw me dripping wet, they rushed over with towels, freaking out. “Why the hell didn’t you call an Uber in this storm?”
I just stared at them with dead eyes, my voice empty. “Dad, Mom, you know how you’ve been trying to get me to move to Barcelona for that European branch of the company? I’m ready. Let’s go. And never fucking come back.”
My parents had been trying to convince me for months, and they were surprised I suddenly agreed. “Are you sure? Did you break up with Ryder?”
Remembering his words, I gave a bitter laugh and shook my head.
“There was never a relationship. I made it up so you’d stop trying to set me up with your friends‘ sons.”
Though they weren’t sure if I was telling the truth, my parents were excited. They immediately started preparing for the move while urging me to pack.
I nodded and went to my room, throwing away everything connected to Ryder. Years of carefully preserved photo albums, the diamond bracelet he’d given me for my birthday, the designer dresses he’d bought when we went to the Hamptons, the wooden sculptures he’d carved with his own hands…
Everything went into the trash.
“Miss, are you sure you want to throw away all these nice things?” our housekeeper asked, her eyes full of regret.
I nodded quietly, my voice barely audible. “I don’t want them anymore.”
Not just these things, but Ryder himself and everything we’d shared–I was done with all of it.
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