Chapter 123
Chapter 123
Three months later…
“I don’t know. I just… feel like everyone is plotting against me.”
The words slipped out quietly as I lay curled on a soft teal couch–nothing extravagant, really, just simple fabric and worn cushions–but to me, it was the most comfortable place on Earth. Maybe it wasn’t just the couch. Maybe it was the man sitting across from me, listening like my pain mattered. Maybe it was this room–small, warm, full of air that didn’t feel heavy. Whatever it was, this single hour, tucked between 23 hours of pretending, overthinking, and flinching at every loud voice, was the only time I felt… safe. Not just safe in my surroundings–but in my skin. In my soul.
“I had trust issues before,” I admitted, my fingers fiddling with the string of my hoodie. “I won’t lie. Every smart, normal person does, right? But this time, it’s… too much. It’s not even rational anymore. And the weird part? I don’t wanna talk about it and wanna talk about it at the same time.” I paused. “You know what happened yesterday? A little girl gave me a rose. And the first thing that popped into my head was that she was sent by one of those teenage girl kidnapping gangs.”
I felt like Julian Merrick, my Jason Statham–like looking therapist who was sitting at the chair beside me, raised an eyebrow, but even if he was dying to ask more, he didn’t interrupt.
“You know the ones,” I continued, eyes fixed on the ceiling, “where cute kids lure teenage girls into blind spots and then boom–a white van rolls in and snatches them away. I took the rose and literally told her, ‘Nice try, Diddy. But I know your game. Not gonna work on me.”
I closed my eyes, wincing at the memory. “She gave me this look–like a ‘seriously, girl? Get help!‘ kind of face. Then she pointed behind me.” I exhaled a shaky laugh. “It was my boyfriend. The rose was from him. A stupid, sweet, romantic gesture. And I turned it into a kidnapping plot.”
I sat up slowly, wrapping my arms around my knees. “I’m seriously ill, right? This isn’t normal. I might be in the final stage of paranoia or something.”
Julian didn’t laugh. He never laughed at me–not even when I said the wildest, most twisted stuff that came out of my overactive, trauma–wired brain. He leaned back slightly in his chair–his posture always relaxed, never patronizing. There was something about him, may be his sharp yet soft and calm voice, that made everything feel less dramatic and more… human.
“Your paranoia can be a topic of discussion,” he said evenly, “but it’s also completely normal.”
I looked at him, trying to gauge if he was just being nice.
“You’ve gone through a lot at such a young age,” he continued. “And the fact that you’re confronting your pain instead of burying it? That tells me how strong you are.”
“You think I’m strong?” I asked quietly, as if hearing it too loudly might break the spell.
“I believe you are, Lucy.” His voice was soft but brimming with conviction.
Something inside me melted. Everyone around me tiptoed like I was made of glass–afraid a wrong word would shatter me. But Julian didn’t. He didn’t treat me like a fragile artifact. He treated me like a girl who could survive. Who had survived.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “It feels… really nice to be seen as strong. Everyone else either talks to me like I might fall apart if they breathe too loudly…or avoids talking to me altogether. They don’t bring up the trauma, but they also don’t treat me normal. It’s like… I’m stuck in this limbo.”
“I know,” he nodded, his gaze steady. “That’s why I’m here. To give you space to talk. As much as you want. About anything.”
His words wrapped around me like a warm blanket.
“And like I’ve said before,” he added, “you should try making new connections. Try trusting again–little by little. Not everyone out there is dangerous. There are still good people in the world. The old Lucy knew that. That’s why she had a beautiful relationship with her boyfriend and friends. You need to remind yourself of that Lucy. She’s not gone. She’s just… waiting for permission to breathe again.”
I gave him a look. “I did, actually. Well, sort of. I made a new friend.”
Julian leaned in slightly, intrigued. “Yeah?”
1/3
Chapter 123
“Her name’s Clara,” I said, a small smile tugging at the corner of my lips: “Technically, she made me her friend, but… same thing, right? A clap only happens when two hands come together.”
“Yeah. Good job, Lucy. I’m seeing huge progress in you,” Julian said with that gentle certainty in his voice. “Tell me more about her
“She’s a new admission,” I began. “Came in the middle of the year–three months ago. She sits in front of me in class. Sometimes, she reminds me of Barbara. But the fact that she’s already dated two guys in these three months makes me think she’s at least not completely like her.”
FLASH.
The day Barbara kidnapped me began flashing before my eyes–again. Her touch, how it stretched across my sout like a dark stain. And just like that, felt it–her hands on me. That same touch, crawling over my skin even in her absence.
“Lucy…” Julian’s voice came like a distant echo.
“Lucy…”
“I love you, Lucy.”
It wasn’t Julian’s voice this time. It was her–Barbara. Her voice was clear in my ears, cold and possessive.
“You’re mine. We’ll now have our happily ever
ter”
The memory of her lips against my cheek made my stomach churn. I wanted to scream, to throw up–but I couldn’t. The fear was choking me from both sides. Like pressure building from inside and out, crushing me until I’d shatter.
“Lucy!”
Julian’s voice snapped me back to the present, yanking me from the spiraling nightmare. I gasped–my chest heaving, eyes wet and burning. I looked at
him.
He was right in front of me, crouched, his hands steady on my shoulders. His gaze locked with mine–steady, unwavering. Not judgmental. Just… present. Saying without words that it was okay. That I was okay.
“Hey,” he whispered. “You’re here. With me. Barbara’s gone. You’re safe now. Everything’s fine.”
“I’m sorry, Julian,” I sobbed. “I didn’t mean to slip into the past. Looks like I’m not as strong as you
think I am. I’m sorry.”
The words were tumbling out now, desperate and cracking.
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
“Hey, hey, hey,” he said gently, wiping my tears with practiced care. “There’s nothing to apologize for. You have no idea how strong you are. In fact, you’re so much stronger than when we first met.”
He smiled.
And somehow, that smile—the calm, warm kind–wrapped around my heart and slowed it down. The storm inside me started to settle.
But… that feeling…
It was too familiar. Like the calm I used
to
only feel with Kaiden.
For a terrifying second, I felt like I was betraying him.
Before Julian, it was only Kaiden’s smile that could bring me this kind of peace. Did… did my heart just react to my therapist?
No. No way.
2/3
Chapter 123
“Her name’s Clara,” I said, a small smile tugging at the corner of my lips. “Technically, she made me her friend, but… same thing, right? A clap only happens when two hands come together.”
“Yeah. Good job, Lucy. I’m seeing huge progress in you,” Julian said with that gentle certainty in his voice, “Tell me more about her.
“She’s a new admission,” I began. “Came in the middle of the year–three months ago. She sits in front of me in class. Sometimes, she reminds me of Barbara. But the fact that she’s already dated two guys in these three months makes me think she’s at least not completely like her”
FLASH.
The day Barbara kidnapped me began flashing before my eyes–again. Her touch, how it stretched across my soul like a dark stain. And just like that, I felt it–her hands on me. That same touch, crawling over my skin even in her absence.
“Lucy…” Julian’s voice came like a distant echo.
“Lucy…”
“I love you, Lucy.”
It wasn’t Julian’s voice this time. It was her–Barbara. Her voice was clear in my ears, cold and possessive.
“You’re mine. We’ll now have our happily ever after.”
The memory of her lips against my cheek made my stomach churn. I wanted to scream, to throw up–but I couldn’t. The fear was choking me from both sides. Like pressure building from inside and out, crushing me until I’d shatter.
“Lucy!”
Julian’s voice snapped me back to the present, yanking me from the spiraling nightmare. I gasped–my chest heaving, eyes wet and burning. I looked at
him.
He was right in front of me, crouched, his hands steady on my shoulders. His gaze locked with mine–steady, unwavering. Not judgmental. Just… present. Saying without words that it was okay. That I was okay.
“Hey,” he whispered. “You’re here. With me. Barbara’s gone. You’re safe now. Everything’s fine.”
“I’m sorry, Julian,” I sobbed. “I didn’t mean to slip into the past. Looks like I’m not as strong as you think I am. I’m sorry.”
The words were tumbling out now, desperate and cracking.
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
“Hey, hey, hey,” he said gently, wiping my tears with practiced care. “There’s nothing to apologize for. You have no idea how strong you are. In fact, you’re so much stronger than when we first met.”
He smiled.
And somehow, that smile–the calm, warm kind–wrapped around my heart and slowed it down. The storm inside me started to settle.
But… that feeling….
It was too familiar. Like the calm I used to only feel with Kaiden.
For a terrifying second, I felt like I was betraying him.
Before Julian, it was only Kaiden’s smile that could bring me this kind of peace. Did… did my heart just react to my therapist?
No. No way.
10:06 Sun, 8 Jun GRB
Chapter 123
He’s thirty–three. And I already have the best boyfriend in the world.
This isn’t… this can’t be feelings. It’s just–Julian’s really good at his job. That’s all. His job is to make his patients feel safe. Heard. Like someone gets- them. Like he’s the closest one they can talk to.
But then the guilt hit again–harder this time.
Why is it so easy to be vulnerable with my therapist… and not with Kaiden?
Maybe it’s because… ever since I broke down in front of him two months ago, he’s been avoiding any conversation about my trauma. And Inever gave him a reason to try again. I never told him I wanted to talk. That I needed him to ask. To try.
That has to change.
If I don’t… this trauma could become a wedge between us. A growing crack that no plaster can fix. And if it gets worse-
It could break us completely.
To be continued…
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